As Of Now....

These past two months have been such a busy and growing time! I have learned so much about college ministry and still have a lot more to learn! One thing that I have learned is that full time ministry is a lot harder than I thought! It is so relational, which I love because I love people, but it is also the reason why I wake up on some Saturdays completely exhausted from the past week. As an intern with Cru, I really have learned patience, how to give grace to others, and what it means to truly be passionate about the gospel. Raising my financial support this summer was great practice for all of what full time ministry has to offer. 

So far, working with the Harrison Women's Ministry has been really great and really hard at the same time. It is a relatively small ministry compared to some of the other dorm ministries, and that in itself is a blessing and a curse. It is a HUGE blessing because the ministry isn't really stuck in its ways of doing things, there isn't really a certain way the leaders are used to doing ministry to begin with. In this way the two junior girl leaders have been easy to work with, they are so open to trying out different things and are willing to be used by the Lord to share the gospel- the true light in Harrison. But here comes the curse, there are only two junior leaders. It is a lot starting up a ministry and keeping it going when manpower is low. It can feel super stressful on top of being a college student. Yet, I am so grateful for them and their willingness to try new things and their desire to see the Women's Ministry in Harrison grow! I'm praying for God to do big, amazing things in Harrison! 

(some of the Harrison Girls and me at Fall Retreat!) 

Being a Cru Intern has also been SO rewarding! Despite feeling exhausted, I feel so encouraged most times. This past weekend was Purdue Cru's Fall Retreat. And if you know me, you know how crazy I am about Fall Retreat. Fall is already my ABSOLUTE favorite season and Fall Retreat weekend is what I look towards the most first semester. It holds an extra special place in my heart because during Fall Retreat my sophomore year is when I rededicated my life back to Christ. It was pretty awesome! I just want to be there for any other girls who are trying to figure out this whole following Jesus thing for the first time. And this gets to be my full time job! Praise God! 

At Fall Retreat, there are these envelopes around the main conference room with people's names on them and the idea is to write them an e-card (encouragement card). The moment I got back home I read all of mine. I felt so much love from and for all of my friends, old and new. My heart was (and still is) so so overwhelmed! This week I have been reflecting on how blessed I truly am and how awesome it really is that God has put me here in this job, not just to work and pour out to others but so that He can pour into me through others. Oh precious is the flow! :) 

Girls and the Art of Comparison

"Love will make you beautiful."
- The Afters

def: compare (something to): draw an analogy between one thing and another for the purposes of explanation or clarification.

So based on this definition, and my observations of myself and other women, we compare ourselves to others and each other in order to help explain who we are or, to clarify what we want to be. Or both. At the heart of it, us comparing ourselves to each other reflects that we aren't satisfied with who God has created us to be. And once we realize that this exists in our hearts, then we can move forward and upward out of the dark abyss of constant compare and contrast. 

Some of you have it worse than others. The art of comparison comes with practice. It can come in waves (like riding an emotional roller coaster), or it can vary with whatever season of life you are in. And society is no help, whatsoever. Some of your friends aren't so helpful either. This is where something I'd like to call "practical love" comes in. Loving others in the midst of their struggles from where they are, not from where you are. 

Let me explain.

Some people are very good at empathizing and some are not. Sometimes I am not, particularly when I can't relate to the situation the person is enduring. But I am learning! There are some people who will give you a friendly "pat on the back" so to speak and tell you that everything is going to be ok. And then change the topic of conversation because your struggles and issues are bumming them out. 

Some may reply with "Wow, what a crappy friend." and it's true, some people suck at being good friends. But don't be so quick to judge. I've probably done this before with out even realizing it! I can figure that because I am an impatient person and understanding someone else's situation comes with time. For others, loving others well and in a practical way comes naturally. For the rest of us, it will come with time and practice. 

Loving others practically is hard. 

But what does this have to do with comparing ourselves to others? Knowing that all girls will, have, and will again go through phases of this kind of thinking, we should keep in mind to love each other well.

Love well.

On a different note, I love pinterest! Just as much as the next college student or twenty-something female. It is an excellent way to procrastinate. And everything was fine and dandy until I saw this "repined" on the pages I browse for new pins:

                                                          source: pinterest
And on another similar (and less appropriate) picture, someone commented: "Such great encouragement, I need to look like this, like now."

"Nooooo!" I thought. "This was suppose to be my mindless happy place!" I am all for being active and eating healthy. It's good for you. Some people are just a lot better at it than I am. But there is a difference in wanting to be healthy and wanting to be a size two. I don't want to demonize loosing weight, but whenever you are thinking about doing it, ask why. And be honest. I definitely have equated being skinner with overall happiness. And that comes from being trapped in the dark abyss of comparison.

          I wish that there were more adds like this one from Nike:

                                                                    source: google
Now here is an ad I, and probably most girls, can relate to! Getting into better shape for me in this ad, is not about being a size 0 or 2, it's about being healthier! And healthy doesn't look like a Victoria's Secret model. Healthier looks like being able to join in a pick up soccer or ultimate frisbee game with out wanting to pass out in the middle of playing. 

Constantly putting yourself down is NOT being humble. It's displaying an ungrateful heart towards what God has given you.

Over confidence (see: full of yourself), is NOT to be highly regarded either. That's when you have too high of a view of your self and low regard for how to love others. God can take away whatever part of yourself you are idolizing. Just like that! (snaps)

The ideal balance is to be confidently humble. Confident in the strengths that you have and humbly growing in your weaknesses. :)

The King's Slogan

"Keep calm and carry on."

This phrase was the propaganda slogan that the UK took on during World War 2. They would hang up posters with the slogan on it in London and other areas of the UK.  (The crown that is on top of the slogan is the crown of King George VI). That's pretty cool. Not that they were facing the onslaught of WW2, but the phrase itself. It basically doesn't deny the fact that crap happens, but it is a motto of endurance. Through good times and bad. Persevering when it's easy and when it's unbearably hard. I love the honesty this slogan carries.

But in my situation, with raising financial support to fund my ministry with Cru (a college ministry organization here in the US and across the world on various college campuses), I would tweak the slogan a bit, (as many have) to "keep calm and trust God." I've tried to make this my "slogan" to live by this summer as I have been raising support for this ministry with college students. And for the most part, I've failed miserably. When support hasn't gone my way my first instincts were to control, worry and to get angry. Yes, yes I know, I'm not the most patient person. At all. Like, really. 

So knowing this, as you can imagine, God has grown me a lot through this whole raising support process. And boy did I have a lot of growing to do! And thus, I have comprised a list (again) of the top 10 things that I have learned from this experience so far. 

1. Keep calm and trust God. I still don't really know how to do this. I am impatient, I prefer to have control, and I tend to have an ungrateful heart. I am really trying to find a balance with this.
2. Walk by faith, not by sight. Sometimes this statement rubs me the wrong way. When people mention doing something by faith, I imagine an undertone of being lazy and not really doing anything. Just waiting for the results to come "by faith". But Hebrews 11 shows a different definition of what walking by faith really is. It is doing what God is leading you to do yet trusting that He is with you through it all. As God has lead me to interning with Cru, He will lead me through raising this support. To 100%. Even if I can't see it from where I am now. 
3. Not everything will go according to plan. Oh, I know this one all too well. Something that I have had to accept. And it hasn't been easy. Basically, God's timing and my timing are two totally different things. And His is better than mine.
4. Admit frustration, deal with it, and MOVE ALONG..., move along like I know you do.... AAR anyone?? Anyway, it's fine to share your frustrations with others but I've learned that sometimes too much venting can leave frustrations not completely dealt with. You think that you are fine but something can trigger those flames of frustration and they can flare up! Outta nowhere!!
5. Find a hobby. Please. Well, I've picked up blogging and painting. It's good to have a mental break from thinking about support raising (even when you are writing about it). Unfortunately, I've set my hobbies aside these past few weeks because I freaked out so much about support. Not having this mental break is probably why I freaked out. 
6. The Essence of Boldness. Being upfront with people when asking them to consider supporting my ministry is the best way. Having people be upfront with me is refreshing. It makes it less awkward. If you are relaxed, comfortable and bold, they will be relaxed, comfortable and honest. 
7. Go to sleep. Otherwise you will be cranky and unpleasant and no one would care to be around you.
8. Pray like never before. I probably say a prayer about support every hour of the day that I am awake. No joke. 
9. Don't worry... be happy! This may sound simple and maybe a little naive, but I am learning that happiness (along with a positive attitude) does wonders for your wellbeing. 
10. You only get what you give. Support raising is a lot of work! Living by faith requires action!

A few months ago, a friend told me that raising support will either be relatively easy or the hardest thing that I've done. And how right they were! I'm not done raising support yet, and by the grace of God, I will be jumping up and down rejoicing when I am. :) 

C'est La Vie: A List of 20

"And the world spins madly on...."
- The Weepies

Yes it does indeed! The world keeps spinning, the wheels in our minds continue to turn round and round all while time continues to tick away. Does this excite you by filling you up with thoughts about what the future can hold? OR does it freak you out for the same reason? For me, it's an interesting combination of both. Humanity and society can excite me and completely depress me, both feelings usually occur within the same day. But The Weepies (band) are certainly correct! The world does spin madly on and there is nothing that we can do about it!

 Sometimes I just want to freeze moments in time, and replay them over and over again. And even copy certain aspects from those moments and paste them into other moments that aren't so awesome..., just to make life a little easier. But life is hard and hopefully, it makes us stronger. Besides, who has ever been entitled to an easy life?

So with this, I thought that it would be an interesting idea to ponder and write down the things I truly appreciate.  Like I've said before I'm a list person, but this list is different because it's not crossing things off that's exciting- it's adding things on. And sure, you will have your "staple" items like your parents, family, friends, significant other etc.... but try to come up with random ones. Those are always fun. Ergo, here is a random drawing from the list I made a few months ago- for your reading pleasure, enjoy!

1. God: He was, and is, and is to come
2. Music: "Music to me is like breathing- I don't get tired of breathing, I don't get tired of music." -Ray Charles
3. Pictures: attempts at capturing beauty, inspiring creativity, and saving memories
4. Moon: have you ever read the book "Goodnight Moon" as a child? Of course you have! I experience this almost every night, I tell the moon "goodnight" because I can, and also because my bedroom window is at the perfect position (most nights) for the moon to shine through. It's quite peaceful. Especially during wintertime.
5. Google: self explanatory
6. Laughter: translates across cultures and is the same in all languages
7. Remote Control: I never have to move when I watch TV. Except for when I am hungry. Or changing the channel. 
8. Tiger Lilies: My ABSOLUTE favorite flower! (the orange ones!) I saw some on my drive home today, and really wanted to pull over and cut some to bring home with me. But they were on private property. And that's probably not appropriate. 
9. Christmas Lights: can make any room look magical! I love them! My kids will probably have Christmas lights hanging in their room all year round- that's the only way to do it! :)
10. Friendship: "No one looks back and remembers the nights you got lots of sleep."- Pinterest
11. Life: so hard and so beautiful at the same time. "Live the life you love." - Bob Marley
12. Great Books: "After I read a good book, I have a hard time coping with reality."- Pinterest
13. Humor: (read: sarcasm)

14. Duct tape: for a while there, I thought that it was spelled "duck" tape. You know, like a "duck swimming in the lake."  I thought that the correct spelling of "duct" was me over complicating it. Anyway, the stuff is useful for lots and lots of things. 
15. Road trips: because they are awesome!!!! Best way to travel.  Unless you need to cross an ocean.
16. Coffee: coffee, coffee, coffee!! Sleep is for wimps!!
17. Different cultures: best way to learn is through the eyes and perspectives of others. 
18. Humility: something to pursue - I get doses of this daily.
19. Awkward situations: makes us humble. Or more awkward.
20. WIFI: because let's be honest- I wouldn't use my computer or smart phone nearly as much. It should also be everywhere and for free. 

Who's Sitting on the Strawberry Swing?

Sometimes I'm too lazy to imagine. To really let my ideas take flight and to mentally invest in my ideas sounds tiring. How can someone be too lazy to imagine? Quite honestly, it takes a lot of effort to develop a new idea and make anything worthwhile come out of it. But one thing I absolutely love and respect is when others inspire an imagination within me. The best imaginators inspire creativity in others. But before I delve to deeply into this concept, let's look at the definition:

Def: imagination- the mental power of forming new ideas, images, or concepts of external objects not present to the senses (or rather- things that are not physically present or developed yet). 


Ideas that we imagine are things that do not yet exist- or exist in the context of which we are imagining them. Interesting to ponder? Difficult to wrap your mind around? Being an internal processor, these are the things that I love to sit around and think about. 


I remember back to my junior year of high school (referencing high school like this makes me feel old), when my World Literature teacher made us do this homework assignment.  We had to listen to a classical music piece, in a dark room, laying down with our eyes closed. After we listened to the music, we had to write down what we saw or what the music made us imagine. Some people would see this as a pointless waste of time and others would be all over it and excited to complete the assignment. I was the latter. (Go figure). My point is, I think we should give our imaginations more credit. 


So, lets try an exercise. I know I'm referencing a lot of Coldplay, but have you ever heard of their song called "Strawberry Swing"? What the heck does that mean, 'strawberry swing'? What does that song make you think of? If you haven't heard of it, here is the song: 

Try it, listen to it, close your eyes for the short 4 minutes and 10 seconds and let your mind go. What did it make you think about? What people might come up with can possibly be similar or distinctly different. No two imaginations are the same! And that's so awesome when you think about it, really. 


After listening to this, look up the official music video, and see what the band thinks about their song. it's pretty awesome! Strawberry Swing Video 


Getting down to it- why is this talk of imagination even important? Who cares? The point is, that a tiny thought can grow and manifest into something so much more! But there are three main barriers to allowing these great ideas to grow: fear, lack of confidence, and not allowing the imagination to form. These three things keep a lot of people from actually doing something with their ideas. Fear of what others will think of you if they heard your idea, or rather fear of rejection of your idea. Lack of confidence in your ability to do something with the idea and seeing your own ideas as frivolous. This is not to say that everything will go well when you are fearless, confident, and put blood, sweat, and tears into making your idea a reality. But how would you know unless you try? It's fun and safe to keep your great ideas in your head, where they are safe from being scrutinized by others, or from any real risk. But then you are always living with a giant neon "What If?" sign flashing in your mind. 


I'll end with this; one of my favorite examples of someone turning an imagination into something so much more is the author of one of my favorite book series, J.K. Rowling. Whether you like Harry Potter or not, the fact that an idea that came into her head on a train ride to London exploded into 7 New York Times bestsellers and 8 blockbuster films is amazing! She seized the idea that formed in her mind's eye, wrote it down, and ran with it. Not everyone's story will end up like Rowling's, but if she let her fear, lack of confidence, and squashing the idea get in her way, the world would not have the Harry Potter books and I would be very sad and bored most summers. 


So many great (and ok, not so great) ideas flow through our imagination and if we pay close enough attention to them, we can weed out the ugly and focus on harvesting the good ones to help them grow. :)

In My Place

"In my place, in my place, were lines that I couldn't change..."

- Coldplay

Def: serenity- the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled
or
Serenity- a title given to a reigning prince or similar dignity. ex: Your Serenity, His Serenity.

Interesting. Obviously I'll go with the first definition, but I feel like a person would have to exude an impressive calm and peaceful persona before I'd call them "Your Serenity". But honestly, isn't this a quality that you would love to have? To be known as the calm, peaceful and untroubled dude/lady? People would just love to be around you in hope that your essence of "calm" rubs off on them.

Cynically, I do not believe that this state of being completely serene exists, at least not on this side of heaven. But more optimistically, I think that we can (and should) experience moments of serenity, and more often than we allow ourselves to. I have this weird delusion that if I am not stressing out or worried about something, then there is something I MUST NOT be doing. Luckily..., hopefully, most normal people have a balance between being stressed versus not being stressed.

I think that we can experience moments of serenity in many different kinds of places. For me, usually it is at your typical hipster coffee shop. I think that this is mostly because I feel really cool in these kinds of places. But also because, for me, the coffee shop is a great place to go if one needs to get stuff done. "Stuff" includes: reading for fun, studying, homework, facebooking, and catching up with friends, among other things. Usually when I leave a coffee shop I feel calm, peaceful, and untroubled. Then I get back to my room and I am suddenly reminded that I still have a lot of crap left to do. But that's not the point- the point is that I still feel a sense of being at peace when I am in the middle of my visit to the coffee shop. Especially when I am just about to cross off something else on my to do list. You list makers know what I am talking about- the awesome sensation felt when you cross something off of your list, like "YES!! I've been waiting for this moment!!"- it's pretty much amazing. Sometimes I put things like "showering" and "wake up" on my list just so I can feel great about crossing something off.

Anyway, there it is, a coffee shop bringing sanity and serenity. Weird? Some know exactly where I am coming from. For others, a noisy, cramp, dim-lit, $5 dollar- a -day habit would drive them into the arms of stress and despair. Totally understood. The hipster coffee shop experience isn't for everyone.

Coming home feels like I have to re-establish my self in the places around here. So naturally I began the search for another  place to bring upon moments of serenity and accomplishment. Last summer I found this really awesome place! I had an internship in Ann Arbor and somedays after work I would go down to the Huron River, sit, and relax at one of the picnic tables close by. Being by the river is so beautiful, vibrant, and unbothered. I don't think that I can really describe it. Sometimes when I think and talk about different places in nature, I find that typical words like "beautiful"and "vibrant" are so lacking. Sometimes you just have to be there. So I was there.  A few times a week I would go; it was just one of those places that I've experienced some peaceful and wonderful moments. Like God sent me down there because those moments would be felt.

Back to this concept of serenity, defined as a "state of being...", because we are humans and are constantly changing, as awesome as pure serenity sounds, it never lasts. This world won't let it and we ourselves won't let it either. Sooner or later all of our issues come flooding back into our minds and we are back in freak-out mode, frustrated mode or I don't give a crap mode... etc. This doesn't mean that we still shouldn't take the time out to breathe, and focus on something other than ourselves - it's good for us.  If you can't change some things, try to enjoy other things. Really, from a mental health perspective, its good for you to take a moment away from your own thoughts. It's not a profound concept, and it's been said before in some self-help book probably.... but the reminder is nice- so take it to heart. :)

Across the Universe

So here are some pictures of a few of my favorite places! Places that I have had the opportunity to visit and others I am daydreaming (and am dying) to visit!!

1. So Cal. My favorite place in the US is probably Laguna Beach. Not that it is the best beach in the world but out of the handful that I have been to on both coasts of the US, this is hands- down my favorite.

                                                   me, Nov. 2011
                                                                                           
 2. London, England, UK. I have always, always wanted to go to England. Probably why my favorite movie is Pride and Prejudice and why I love shows like Downton Abbey and North and South. This is at the top of my travel bucket list.

                                               google images

3. Maine, New England. I actually haven't been to this part of the US. The closest I've gotten was New York City. There is something very beautiful and quaint about the idea of being surrounded by lighthouses, Martha's Vineyard, and lobsters.

                                               google images

4. Northern Lights, Alaska. Or Norway, really I'm not picky- I'll go anywhere to see this! This one is probably a reach on my bucket list of things to see/do. But if I did that would be totes awesome!!!

                                                google images

5. Cliffs of Moher, Ireland. Wow. Just beautiful! If I ever get to England I would definitely make a trip to Ireland. This part of Europe intrigues me! I wanna see it!!!!

                                                google images

6. CA-101, California and the Pacific Northwest. So I've been to So Cal but never north of LA. I absolutely LOVE road trips! If gas wasn't so expensive I would encourage them more! My dream road trip would be to start in San Diego and drive up the 101 to Vancouver, BC, Canada! Lets just pretend that regular gas isn't $4/gallon out there (or more) and that this trip wouldn't be a fortune. K thanks! :)

                                                     google images

So there are the top 5 places that I often daydream about going to (places 2-5). I'm determined to make this into a reality!  Just maybe in a few years.... when I'm not a recent college graduate & flat broke. 


This world may be screwed up in many ways but in many others, it's quite beautiful. :)